Revenge of Sofia the Worst
by gregterry480
Summary: And you thought she was gone! Bored out of her skull ever since she allowed for Cedric to kill her, Evil Sofia escapes from Hell, and will stop at nothing until she's gotten her revenge against the real Sofia, no matter what it takes. Sequel to the episode Sofia the Second.
1. Hell is Really Freaking Boring

Ever since she had gone to Hell after being killed by Cedric, Sofia the Worst was bored out of her mind. Since she was pure evil, she thought that being in the land of darkness might be fun, but instead it was a total snooze. She grew numb to the fire and brimstone and torture after a while, and spent most of her days sitting in Hell's lounge, playing chess with Frollo.

"Your move, princess," Frollo said to his opponent.

"You're no good at this game, you know that?" Evil Sofia said as she rolled he eyes.

"Why should I care about the opinion of someone who was created by sorcery?" replied Frollo with disgust.

"Why are you still such a dick about things like magic?" said Evil Sofia, hopping off of her chair. "Screw this game! I'm going to go see what Shan Yu is up to."

She found Shan Yu where she always found him, busily knitting a scarf that he would never be able to finish. No one was ever able to finish an arts and crafts project in Hell.

"What's up, Evil Sofia?" asked Shan Yu. "And what do you think of my scarf? I think it's turning out quite nicely so far, if I do say so myself."

"I don't give a crap about your scarf," said Evil Sofia, pouting. "I want out of Hell!"

"Doesn't everyone?" said Shan Yu.

"Not for the reasons other people want out of Hell!" complained Evil Sofia. "I'm just so sick of everything here! Hell is more boring than _The Tree of Life_!"

"And what would you do if you were able to get out?" asked Shan Yu, sounding only slightly more interested in his conversation with Evil Sofia than he was in getting his scarf done.

"Well, I'd want revenge against Good Sofia," said Evil Sofia. "Revenge against her and Cedric! I've dreamed of nothing else ever since I got here."

"I was like you once," said Shan Yu bitterly. "When I first landed in Hell, after being blown to bits by Mulan, I wanted nothing more but to get my hands around that bitch's throat and break her neck before she even knew what was happening. But time goes by. You stop caring. You become involved in more important things, like knitting scarves and becoming obsessed with how _Heroes_ is going to end."

"But they cancelled that show before it ended," said Evil Sofia.

"I KNOW!" cried Shan Yu in agony. "That's why they let us become obsessed with it here! They never broadcast shows that had actual, satisfying endings in Hell! They don't even let us write fanfictions to help fill in the gaps!"

And with that, the Hun leader threw his scarf to the floor, but the floor was like super hot, so it immediately caught on fire and was destroyed almost instantly.

"NOOOOOOOO!" yelled Shan Yu. "NOT MY SCARF! ALL OF MY WORK WAS FOR NOTHING!"

"What a baby," said Evil Sofia, walking away from Shan Yu and going to her room. She laid herself down on her Hell bed, which was made out of sharp spikes.

"I will go back to earth if it kills me," she said to herself as she settled down for a Hell nap. "Well, okay, it may be a little late for that, but I will get revenge against Sofia! No matter what it takes!"


	2. King Roland

Far away from Hell, King Roland was sitting on his throne, busy doing King Roland stuff.

"Where's Cedric?" he wondered out loud. "It's been five whole minutes since I last told him what a total failure he was."

"I believe you sent him outside to empty your chamber pot, your majesty," said that total kiss ass Baileywick. "If memory serves, you told him that if he was unable to do the task using magic, then he would have to eat its contents."

King Roland chuckled.

"It's not even nine in the morning, and I've already made myself laugh," he said happily. "I have a feeling this will be a great day!"

It was then when Cedric entered the throne room, looking miserable.

"Hello, you worthless piece of trash," said King Roland politely. "How did you do with that job I gave you?"

"I...was...able to...empty the pot...using magic," said Cedric looking like he might throw up at any moment. He then pulled a bottle of Listerine out of his robes and began chugging it down.

Roland raised an eyebrow, amused.

"Your father never would've had to do what you just did, you know that?" he said with merry disgust as he looked at his least favorite magician in the world. "Tell me, did you ever get over that medical condition that you told me about?"

"You mean my sorcerer's stone?" asked Cedric, drinking the last of bottle and throwing it into a royal trash can. "Yes, it passed a week ago. Why should you care?"

"Because I don't want you complaining about any pain you might be going through at Sofia's birthday ball this Sunday," said King Roland. "It's her first birthday in the castle, and I don't want you ruining anything."

Cedric just sighed.

"Whatever you say, your highness," he said sadly.

"If it were up to me, of course, we'd just have your father come over and perform a magic show for the children," said Roland. "Too bad that he's retired, although to be honest with you, for the longest time I thought he was dead."

"So did I, your highness," said Baileywick. "Tell me, would you like your ass kissed now or this evening?"

"This evening will do, Baileywick," said Roland, placing his feet up on a stool and picking up a remote control. "Right now, I want to sit back and watch an episode of _Heroes_ on DVD before I get into my royal duties for the day. This is my first time getting through the series, and I'm hooked. I can't wait to see how everything ends!"

"Pardon me, your highness," said Baileywick, adjusting his glasses. "But _Heroes_ was taken off the air by those dumb shits over at NBC before it ended."

"It...what?" went King Roland, his eyes widening with sudden alarm.

"I'm sorry, your highness," said Baileywick. "I should've informed you sooner. There is something called _Heroes Reborn_ on the way, but it will pretty much be a reboot of the show with almost none of the original show's characters."

"What kind of hell is this?" lamented King Roland, placing his head in his hands. "How could I let myself get into something that has no freaking ending?"

"To be fair, your highness, I've had the same thing happen to me with many fanfictions that I've read," said Baileywick, taking his glasses off, polishing them on his shirt, blowing on them, and then placing them back on. "The author keeps promising updates, but they never, ever come. I've spent years wanting to find out what happened in a story called _Tony Stark and Loki Get Married in Vegas_ after Tony Stark and Loki got married in Vegas. I have a feeling I never will."

No one said anything for a full five minutes after that.

"Well, I suppose I'd better attend to my duties as king then," said Roland, sounding as though the revelation about _Heroes_ had completely spoiled his good mood. "Tell me, who is here to see me first today?"

Baileywick studied a roll of parchment, squinting his eyes.

"Forgive me, your highness, but I am unable to pronounce his name," said Baileywick. "You can feel free to whip me as punishment for my failure to do so later, but it says here that he wants to talk about being your new magician."

"New magician, eh?" said Roland, sounding interested. "That sounds promising. We've been needing a new magician around here."

He said all of this within Cedric's ear range, of course, but didn't care.

"Show him inside!" yelled King Roland, getting to his feet and spreading his arms open wide. "Let me hear what he has to say."

The throne room's really, really, really, really, really big doors were then opened really, really, really, really slowly. In walked a dark, skinny man with a top hat, a few teeth missing, and a staff with a skull on it.

"Greetings, your majesty," he said with a big grin on his face. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Facilier, and I would love to introduce you to my friends...on the other side."


	3. Meet the Shadow Man

"My, my, my," said King Roland, clapping his hands together. "You certainly are full of tricks, Mr. Facilier."

"Please, your majesty, call me the Shadow Man," said Dr. Facilier with a modest shrug. "It's what all my fans call me."

"You didn't screw up any of the magic acts you just showed me," King Roland said, impressed. "And your musical number was catchy as hell! Cedric over here, on the other hand, doesn't have a theme song..."

"You told me that I would suck at writing a theme song," Cedric protested from the corner of the throne room.

"Quiet, Cedric!" King Roland said crossly, giving him one of his world famous "King Roland Death Glares." "You have no business speaking out of line today! Not after you caused for _Heroes_ to be cancelled!"

"But I had nothing to do with that, your highness!" Cedric cried.

"What did I just tell you?!" Roland barked. "If the Shadow Man had been my sorcerer back then, he would've cast a spell on those dumb shits over at NBC to make them keep the show on the air."

"I may have a way to make you feel better, your highness," said Dr. Facilier, swinging his staff around and making a Netflix envelope magically appear out of nowhere. "Try getting into _Lost_ and _The Sopranos_. Both of those shows were kept on TV until they wrapped up, and I'm sure you won't have any complaints about the way they end."

"Thank you, Shadow Man," said King Roland, delighted. "You see, Cedric? This is how a sorcerer is _supposed_ to treat his king."

"Oh, your highness, please stop," said Dr. Facilier, taking a small bow. "Your words of flattery are just going to make this old sinner blush until his skin turns so red he looks like he had a bad sunburn."

"And what manners!" exclaimed King Roland. "Cedric, you've never been that kind to me whenever I've given you a compliment!"

"That's because you've never given me one," Cedric muttered through gritted teeth.

"Oh, don't mind him, your highness," said Dr. Facilier smoothly. "He can't help it if he's not as well-cultured as I am. I've been around the world, you see, visiting the various kingdoms and learning black magic...um, I mean, new tricks everywhere I went."

"That sounds fascinating!" said King Roland. "You'll have to tell me all about it over lunch today!"

"But, your highness, you were supposed to have lunch with your wife today," said Baileywick, pointing at a pocket calendar. "You know how she makes that creepy smile of her's every time you let her down."

"Baileywick, she makes that creepy smile all the time," said King Roland matter-of-factly. "Or do you not pay attention to the show? But no matter. I'm sure that the Shadow Man would love to meet Miranda."

"Careful now, your highness," said Dr. Facilier. "I've been known to be a notorious ladies man. I just might snatch your wife up and keep her for myself."

King Roland laughed a long, hard, hearty King Roland laugh.

"You're a comedian, too!" he bellowed. "You just joked about stealing the heart of the King's wife! That took guts! Shadow Man, you are officially hired as my new sorcerer!"

"What?" went Cedric. "But he hasn't even shown you a resume yet! And what about me?"

"Well, obviously, you'll be fired, Cedric," said King Roland simply. "But don't take it the wrong way. It's nothing personal, it's just that I can't stand you."

"But...but..." whimpered Cedric.

"It's settled then!" said King Roland, snapping his fingers. "Cedric, I will expect your dungeon emptied out by tomorrow morning so the Shadow Man can move in. Also, I'll need you take that crow or whatever it is you have for a pet with you."

Cedric just stood there, so taken aback that he didn't pay any attention when Dr. Facilier told his version of the Aristocats joke, which made King Roland laugh so loudly that he also fired the Court Jester. When Roland had finally left to tend to more King Roland stuff, the Shadow Man approached the heartbroken sorcerer.

"Cheer up, pal," he said placing a hand around his shoulder. "I'd say that this surprised me but, well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't see this coming."

He then handed him a fortune card, and sure enough, there was a small drawing of Cedric holding a bunch of suitcases as Wormwood took a shit on the sad magician's shoulder.

"Come over to my dungeon sometime," he suggested. "I think you'll have no trouble finding it. I can read your future on the house! But, first, I'll need for you to get your stuff out of my new digs, okay, buddy?"

With that, the Shadow Man practically leaped out of the throne room. Everything was going according to his top secret and diabolical plan.

"Now to give one of my most important friends a call," he said to his shadow as he pulled out his special Hell phone which had the underworld on speed dial. "I have a feeling that Evil Sofia is going to be most pleased with me."


End file.
